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Not really enjoying life right now...

But I'm told she's cute.  We'll all be at Simplefare on Saturday.  Ask her father for viewings - I may be tempted to send her home with someone if they ask me.

I am perpetually reassured that things will get better/more enjoyable/less stressful *any week now.*  I'm waiting...

WHY is it underlining everything?...



( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 6th, 2008 05:10 am (UTC)
She's beautiful, absolutely gorgeous.

Yes, it will get better. The upgrades will download automatically and you be amazed at your fully-featured baby. I myself regarded the first three months (fourth trimester) as the "worm stage". The biggest relief was that I was NOT pregnant.
Nov. 6th, 2008 07:58 pm (UTC)
I remember that - it's when you taught me the word "sessile." I've been referring to her as being in "larval stage."

I'm looking forward to language acquisition. That should be more fun.
Nov. 7th, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
As a librarian I am compelled to offer you bibliotherapy. Anne Lamott's _Operating Instructions_ is absolutely wonderful. No one else so eloquently captures the sheer exhaustion, despair, and sheer terror of the infant stage. If she could survive early motherhood you can, too.

As for feeling "maternal", while I myself have generally always felt solicitous of the very young, I certainly have known many women (my mother included) who generally do not like children and only make exceptions for their own (which she did) and usually only after they became more interesting. It's the dirty little secret of motherhood. We love our children, but it can take a while... Your body is recovering from a nine month hijacking while still being sucked on by a grub. It's all worth it, trust me, but it is difficult.

Small confession, I was somewhat relieved to be back at work myself, because although I did indeed love my baby I was absolutely terrified that I would kill her. It was about two years later that the doctor in the family (a woman and a mom) told me that the experience I'd had "suggestive thoughts" was not uncommon and rarely serious.

And remember at this stage, you can say anything you want to her, as long as you do so in a sweet, high-pitched tone. "Who's mommy's little parasite? Why you are, you little grub!"
Nov. 6th, 2008 09:22 am (UTC)
Oh, she IS cute. I'm surprised. (That's not meant as an insult to you, lol! I just usually don't find babies cute.)

Is it that the baby is a lot of hard work and that you don't have much maternal ooey gooeyness toward her to make it feel worthwhile?

If that's the case, I REALLY feel for you, and I really, really can't say what is perpetually being said, because I've said it before...I don't like children. The more I am with them, the more I dislike them. I have all the maternal tenderness of one of those types of fish that have to have little castles in their aquariums if they have babies, so that the babies can hide there...or otherwise momma will eat them.

I have no idea if there is a stage at which there is that rush of maternal feelings if it doesn't happen right away, but I do know that it does change. Babies are super different at every stage...and they seem like different creatures once they can slither, then crawl, then say a word or two, then walk...then actually carry on something resembling a conversation.

My little cousin Maddie (she's three now)...well, I had NO use for her at some of the stages and found her cute and didn't mind being around her a bit for some of the others. I don't know which will be which for you.

I've got my fingers crossed that you'll find her just joyful once she is able to speak and do cute acts-like-an-actual-person-just-a-really-short-one stuff.

Of course maybe it's not that that's bothering you? Maybe she's sickly or you're just too exhausted?
Nov. 6th, 2008 08:07 pm (UTC)
LOL - I wait for your comments because you really do get it. It's nice to hear.

I don't have any of the cooing warm fuzzies that so many people do, and that's a handicap at this point. No mindless gazing into her eyes and crooning lullabies or any of that crap.

A VERY large part is the sleep deprivation. As the feedings space out and we get larger contiguous chunks of sleep, I'm feeling better about things. I just can't do sleep deprivation like I used to - this stage is definitely for younger people than me!

Strangely, while most mothers have fits and anxiety attacks about putting their kids in daycare, I suspect that I'll perk up a lot when I go back to the office. Right now I feel a bit like my life and my very self have been hijacked, and those aren't positive emotions. Getting back to a place where I'm valued for something other than a pair of mammary glands will be good for me.

Today I set myself an actual "to do" list, and I've knocked off all but one item. That'll help to, because it'll help me get back to some vestige of normalcy.

I've often said that I have all the maternal instincts of a snake, and I'm still waiting to be proven wrong. I suspect that once she starts interacting and learning things I can see that I'll have more fun with her. I just don't find this stage of development to be enthralling.

I'm glad she's actually reasonably cute. There's nothing more socially deadly than being presented with someone's really homely baby and trying to come up with a neutral comment.
Nov. 6th, 2008 09:05 pm (UTC)
I just hope you don't feel defective because you don't feel motherly. A lot of people will make you feel like that...a lot of people act like a woman who doesn't like children is inhuman. But men are allowed to half neglect their kids and not really pay that much attention to them and they don't get looked at as abnormal for it, and they CERTAINLY don't get called abnormal if they don't coo over the baby and nibble adoringly on its toes and fingers and cheeks...and women can feel the same about these things as guys. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean you have to feel maternal. Ever.

Still...I hope the maternal stuff DOES kick in for you because you DO have a kid now, so it's best for all concerned. As for me, I'd be forced to give a child up for adoption if I got pregnant (not possible outside being assaulted!) because I would hate it, or at the very least, resent it in the extreme.

Actually I've been really sad when I see your posts because I know how I'd feel if *I* had a baby...and it wouldn't be a happy feeling. I keep worrying that you might be of the same type as me. (I hope of course that you're a little sweeter than me but I only hope, I don't KNOW.)

They DO get more interesting. I don't know if they get more lovable...but definitely more interesting!

It's easier to be fond of them when they aren't sucking the life out of you, so yeah, I expect daycare and so on might be just the ticket, to have you thinking your daughter is actually kind of special and not a bad addition to the family. :)
Nov. 6th, 2008 12:07 pm (UTC)
*hug* Oh honey. You are SO where I was during Charlotte's first 5 months! ^_^ It feels like an eternity, doesn't it?

I won't bother telling you it'll get better (it really really will, but everyone says that so, again, I won't bother). I WILL tell you that one bright day, when she was five months old, Char stopped crying & started really interacting with me & the whole world...crawling & squirming & playing & laughing & ACTUALLY listening & understanding. It was a glorious, wonderful day that suddenly made up for all the sleepless nights. All the days that followed got exponentially better. & now she's a bright 15 year old girl with the whole world at her feet, & it passed in the blink of a sleep-deprived eye.

That day for you is coming soon. I promise! In the meantime I'm only a phone call away.
Nov. 6th, 2008 08:11 pm (UTC)
That's encouraging, because I know how you feel about her now and I've been worrying that something was completely wrong with my wiring!

I'm looking forward to the beginning of language acquisition - I'll be able to get into that I think. Right now it's all the frustration of trying to figure out what she needs with no communication other than wailing.

I keep meaning to call, but I've got this very loud distraction...
Nov. 6th, 2008 12:25 pm (UTC)
Great picture. Lovely job hiding the horns and tail :>
Soory we'll mis you at Simple Fare but we have an 18th cnetury unit meeting.
Nov. 6th, 2008 08:15 pm (UTC)
It took a lot of shots to keep them tucked under the bedding. That's why there's no pictures of her awake.

Simplefare is going to be a grand experiment - we'll see how she does. Luckily we can hide in the kitchen while we figure out how to take the three of us to an event. After this we'll be at the BBM/Bergental Yule, and maybe 12th Night. I refuse to drop off the planet.
Nov. 6th, 2008 02:44 pm (UTC)
She is cute. And kebbykate is right -- as the upgrades self-install it's sometimes difficult to notice them until you all of a sudden there's this fully-featured baby who's a person and can communicate.

(It's underlining everything because you didn't close the link to the picture. The underlining looks like an html link and clicking it brings you to the source picture.)

She really is cute.

They go through stages over the next 20 years or so of being cute to you as well as the rest of the world, cute only to the rest of the world, and completely obnoxious.

I'm sorry that I'm missing Simplefare this time. Will you be at Yule? Or is that too far ahead to plan?
Nov. 6th, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
Ah... I'm not a technophile, and this stuff perpetually escapes me. Obviously I have more to learn about the features on this thing...

We've already done the teenager part - I moved in with Bob when Erica was about 8. On the other hand, we could send HER home to her mother. But there won't be any great surprises at least.

We'll be at Yule - I'm making the boar's head and a subtlety. Reservations went out last week.
Nov. 6th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
Sounds to me like you're feeling very isolated (among other things). I'm sorry I haven't been calling more often, but my default stance with new moms is to not pester them until they resurface on their own. I promise to be more annoying from now on. :)

Did you get my message about the Yale exhibit?
Nov. 7th, 2008 04:11 am (UTC)
No worries - that was the right policy. I've been feeling very antisocial until just recently, and wouldn't have coped with pestering.

I did get your message (she was letting me sleep in, and I wasn't going to get out of bed unless the house was on fire.) Let's pick a date - Bob will stay with Charlotte, I'll just need the occasional 15 minutes of quality time with the pump.

We'll be at pre-cook tomorrow. I'm aiming to be there at 5:00, but we're not very good at being out the door at any particular time yet...
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )