Apparently, most people use this screening to decide if they want to continue on to diagnostic testing, which is invasive and carries a risk of miscarriage. We already know that we want the diagnostic testing, so today’s ultrasound was unnecessary, and therefore, we didn’t do it. I’m a little disappointed. I wanted to see the picture. But I have an appointment for next Tuesday for chorionic villus sampling. It has a miscarriage rate of 1 in 100, but I’m thinking positively. I’m also thinking that at 39 I have a 1 in 30 chance of a birth defect, so I’ll take these odds for peace of mind. I have to admit that I’m apprehensive about it – I’d hate to get this far and have to start over. But if everything goes well we won’t, and if something is wrong we’ll be able to terminate now. Not a pleasant thought, but I could never cope with Down’s. I know that parents who do claim that those are "special" children who are "gifts." But I also think that the whole thing about rain on your wedding day being good luck was a spin by a disgruntled bride. I can’t do it. I won’t. Maybe that makes me a bad person. I don’t know, but I’m very comfortable with my decision.
The folks at genetics were really, really nice. That was the kind of treatment that I’d been looking for from my OB, and didn’t get. Oh well. I’ll play the cards I’m dealt in that game.
My biggest concern? That I’ve got to be away from the office again on Tuesday. I’m going to start irritating my bosses really soon. But once we’ve got the results back on the 28th, if they’re clean and I haven’t miscarried, I’ll tell Nell and Diane and ask them to keep it to themselves. I refuse to suck up the abuse my cube-mate is going to dish out until I absolutely have to.