kls_eloise (kls_eloise) wrote,

Random Reproductive Thoughts

 This is likely to be incoherent, because I’m looking back at all the things I’ve been thinking since I found out on January 22 in no particular order.

 I’ve been thinking for a couple of weeks now that I ought to document this whole "baby thing." Before I start forgetting stuff that I might want to remember. Or that I might want to share with people when we’re past the danger zone one way or another.

 That’s the first big thing. It’s really hard having such big news and not sharing it with the people in your life. We’ve told a few people. I told one coworker that I consider a good friend, so that there will be someone at work that I can complain to about not being able to take any cold medicine (should the need arise.) We told a mutual friend so that Bob would have someone to talk to also. I told our friend Denise, because I desperately wanted the input from someone who has also had her babies late in life while working a corporate job. That’s it. It’s a very isolated feeling.

 I feel like I’ve been abandoned by the healthcare system, and it’s not a good feeling. My doctor did a pregnancy test because otherwise she was going to prescribe me a steroidal inhaler for this damn cough, and commented that if I was that they wouldn’t give me anything without an okay from my OB. Well that’s great. Except that "my" OB won’t have seen me for the first time ever until February 15. So in the meantime...what do I do? I read that my thyroid medication should be increased during the first weeks, that there are things you should eat, things you shouldn’t eat, things you can or can’t take OTC... But there isn’t anyone to TELL me this stuff. My primary care doctor has washed her hands of me, and the specialist hasn’t picked me up yet. I’m more than a little unhappy about this. But Friday will end the limbo.

 I was bad, and wasn’t taking a multivitamin for the first four weeks. I can’t take them in the morning because they make me ill on an empty stomach, and I kept forgetting at night. Now I’m worried that I didn’t get all the folic acid and crap. I guess soon enough I’ll know.

 I’m taken aback about how to handle telling people. I don’t really want to share the news until we’re past all the testing. Bob and I talked it over years ago, and we’re in agreement that we’re just not people who could handle a special needs baby. If there is any foreseeable chance of Downs or anything else icky, we’re in agreement to terminate. As tragic as it would be, the alternative for us is worse. But CVS screening isn’t until weeks 11-13, and amnio is after that. I worry about starting to show before I’m ready to tell people. I really don’t need to explain that to coworkers.

 I also don’t want to tell my mother until after Bob gets a job, and who knows how long that will take? I CAN’T tell my parents that I’m pregnant while my husband is unemployed. I just can’t. You’d think I was 19 rather than 39. But they’ll worry, and it just feels so irresponsible, even though we weren't.

 Physically I’m doing okay. I don’t know about the parasite, but I feel fine. The tiredness hit me hard this past Saturday. I’m just not wired to sit on the couch and do nothing. Did I WANT to clean off the dining table? Heck no. But I mightily resented not having the energy to do it. It’s odd to be out of breath after climbing the stairs, or to need to rest after hauling some stuff down to the basement. So I am resolved to start breaking things into chunks. Tonight when I get home I’ll sort the laundry, and then take a break. Who knows – maybe Bob will wash it for me. Then perhaps I’ll clean the bathroom, and take another break. No nausea so far. I really hope I miss out on that. I’m eight weeks in and not feeling queasy. Is it too soon to feel good about that?

 I’m looking forward to the appointment, as that will get us settled about a lot of things. Testing, timing, classes. I loathe the idea of seeing a male doctor, but I guess I need to get over it.  I want to try to arrange things so that I see all of the doctors in the practice at least once before the due date.  That way I won't end up having someone I've never met deliver our baby.  THAT would be irritating.

That's all.  Random thoughts.

EDIT: a thought: Bob is actually getting to TELL people, and it's not fair.  It's how he tells head hunters that he's not interested in relocating: "I have a new house and a pregnant wife."  SO not fair.  And a moment to save for posterity, as it was related to me:

Bob: I'm not interested in relocating.  I have a house and a pregnant wife.
Head hunter: You'd have an easier time moving the house.

Tags: baby

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