kls_eloise (kls_eloise) wrote,

Coming to peace

I spoke to my vet this afternoon, and made The Appointment.  It's the right thing to do, but it feels like hell.

Nishka's resting what seems like comfortably, or it could just be that the painkillers knock her for a loop.  I suspect a combination of the two.  Instructions are to dose her two to three times a day, but I notice that at the end of an eight hour shift, she gets restless and fidgety like I do when I'm in pain, so I'm dosing her three times a day.  She goes off and sulks for a while afterwards.  She'll take a bite of food here or there, but she's hardly getting a mouthful over the course of the day - and that's with the appetite stimulant.  That is what assures me that I've made the right choice - I can let go, or I can starve her to death slowly.  When you put it like that, decisions become easier.

She's stopped grooming, so I got to clean her fuzzy little butt this evening.  She didn't much like that.  Hopefully she'll forgive me in an hour or so.  Shortly I'll move her up onto the couch so she can spend the evening with the family.

Becket is entirely freaked out, but there's not much I can do about it.  At my vet's suggestion I'm going to start dosing him with Rescue Remedy in the hopes that it will take the edge off his anxiety.  The thing that breaks my heart is them wanting each other, and not getting it because they can't wrap their little pea brains around what's happening.  This, like so many other things, will pass.

I made it through today and was able to talk about it without crying, so I suppose that's a step.

The insane part?  As much as this hurts (and it always hurts to let them go,) I'm going to do it again.  As cold-hearted as it may sound, while she's still with us, I've started the search for a kitten.  He's a shit sometimes, but Becket is too social a boy to be alone as much as he would be if we don't add another cat.
Tags: cats

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