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So, in other news

A couple of weeks ago I complained (I think I recall) at reasonably great length about the new core strength class that I'm taking on my Monday lunch hours.  I'm still at it.

The following week, the office was closed on Monday so there was no class.  That, however, did not provide any escape for me.  Anita is quite dedicated to reforming all of us, so she scheduled a one-off class on Friday instead.  I did the kick-box class on Tuesday (which is still my favorite,) and had to decide between strength and spin on Friday.  I decided that if I was going to get in the swing of the new class, I needed to not take excuses to skip it - so I blew off spin and went to the strength class.

Apparently, Anita believes in variety - completely different routine.  I'm sure that this is probably good FOR me, but it means that I have no idea how she's going to torture me from one week to the next.  I wasn't able to do nearly as much at that class as I had at the first.  At the first class, all of my muscles were still blissful tenderloins.  The second time around I had done terrible things to them after thirty years of inactivity, and they were still pretty outraged.  I expected it to be harder, but not that much harder.

Then I got two days off, and on Monday I got to do it again.  Sigh.  This one is discouraging.  I know it's good for me - I can feel by the way I hurt that it's good for me, and that it's something I should keep doing.  But it's really soul crushing to realize that I'm almost 44 years old, and I'm STILL the chubby girl in gym class who just can't do it.  I'm glad I didn't start with this class, because I don't know if I would have tried the others.  It's hard.  Obviously physically, but also emotionally.  This one is producing all SORTS of bad high school gym class flashbacks.  There's a reason I gave up all forms of physical exercise the moment I left high school - I'd rather be fat than mocked and in pain.  Now, don't get me wrong - it's a pretty non-judgmental space, and Anita encourages us to modify things and respect our limits.  But it's still hard to be the bottom of the barrel, and to know that when she says "do what you can - we have all levels of fitness here" that she means ME.

Why yes, I AM over-analyzing.  It's what I do.

Tuesday was kick.  Yesterday was spin.  I missed two spin classes - and I could feel it.  But there's another thing going on.  Somehow, every class that I'm taking involves lots and lots of work on the quads - and I haven't asked them to do much of anything for years.  So my legs are in a wee bit of shock, and I discovered yesterday that I wasn't able to push as hard.  Previously, I was going so hard that what gave out first was my cardiovascular system - I either couldn't get my breath, or would get a bit lightheaded from how hard my heart was beating, and that's when I would have to back off a bit.  Yesterday, well before I got to that point my quads made it clear that if didn't back off NOW, they *would* just dump me off the bike onto the floor.  I assume that will get better with time, but for now, they're a wee bit outraged.

I've learned things.  I've learned that I have triceps, and that I haven't used them for forty years.  I've learned that when you're female and have sudden stabbing/gnawing pain in the breast tissue, the first thing you think is "OMG - TUMOR!!!" not "oh - we worked the pecs yesterday."  Only for about three seconds, but it's an intense three seconds...  I've learned the terms "lats" and "serratus."  I've learned that I still dislike pain and sweating, and that I just don't get that endorphin rush that everyone talks about.  My reward is making it to the end of the hour.

But I'm still doing it.

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Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
kass_rants
Feb. 3rd, 2013 11:01 am (UTC)
Dude! I hear you sistah! This hooping thing I'm doing made me feel like a complete idiot at first. Fat girl in the playground R us! And sweetie, I'm a trained dancer and I just couldn't make my 20-years-older-and-50-lbs-heavier body do it!

And then... it HAPPENED. At first, it was just the feeling of "that didn't feel as out of control as everything else." And then it was, "Wait! Did I do that? Did I actually make that happen?" And then it was "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" for about as long as it took me to say that before I dropped it. And now I can do it until I tire out, which isn't a long time, but at least I know the right moves now and everyday I do it longer than the day before.

Point is -- it WILL come. You're in a class with a bunch of people who are more fit than you. But don't let that get you down. You're starting the race from way back in the field. But you WILL get there if you keep it up.

I believe in you. And have I mentioned how proud I am of you?
kls_eloise
Feb. 3rd, 2013 12:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you - I am shamelessly clinging to every piece of encouragement I can get. Going to these classes is so out of character for me that I'll take every scrap of positive feedback as incentive to keep going.

A couple of weeks ago in kick, I noticed that I actually put a tiny bit of power in one of the punches - and even better, it was controlled. But it's still horrifying that the lady who just came back a week ago from having a baby is kicking my butt. I work really hard on ignoring her. :-)

The other day one of the lawyers stopped at my cube on the way in and said "Hey - you're looking great." That floated me for the rest of the day.

I don't think I'm going to be adding anything else for a bit. Going from two to three was a lot harder than going from one to two, and the Tuesday and Wednesday classes both scare me a bit. Not to mention they're the only days left when I can run errands or make up time from things like vet appointments. But I think that an hour three times a week is a good routine, and I could always get out that jump rope and try to remember how to do that.

Okay - cat is fed and shot, child is fed, cartoons are cued up, woodstove is fed - I'm going to go catch another hour of sleep if I can.
kass_rants
Feb. 3rd, 2013 01:32 pm (UTC)
Seriously, ignore the baby mommy. You don't know her background. She may have been doing kickboxing five days a week before she got pregnant. Ultimately you are you and you can only measure yourself against yourself.

Three classes a week is great. Stick there. Get comfortable. You CAN do this. Yeah, maybe you have to come from a lot farther behind than other people in the class. So what?! You're going to do it and they're all going to say, "Damn! I never thought you'd make it this far, but now you're better than me."

I swear to God sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is that I want to "beat" the ones who are young and skinny. If that works for you, use it. Use anything you can to keep yourself going. Every move you make is towards the positive. Keep moving!
kls_eloise
Feb. 3rd, 2013 07:01 pm (UTC)
There's a dress that I want to make - and I'm not cutting that wool until there's less of me.

I also want to be able to bounce up Runestone hill at Pennsic like I used to.

I figure both of those are achievable. Maybe even by THIS Pennsic.
kass_rants
Feb. 3rd, 2013 07:22 pm (UTC)
The former fitness coach I mentioned in one of my recent posts, the one who put my name in his book, has recently started an 8-week challenge called "Smash Your Scale". You can use any metric you like to gauge your progress -- measuring tape, the way your clothes fit, even how you feel. But you cannot mention pounds or you're out!

Bouncing up Runestone Hill and making a smaller dress are GREAT ways to measure your progress. I applaud you!
lauradi7
Feb. 3rd, 2013 01:23 pm (UTC)
breasts
I learned to schedule my running days *not* the day after my upper-body lifting days for exactly that reason - the pavement pounding made them hurt and I had the few-seconds panic.

Don't forget to get enough rest (including time between workouts). Your persistence is great.
kls_eloise
Feb. 3rd, 2013 06:56 pm (UTC)
Re: breasts
Glad to know that I'm not the only one who's had that reaction. I felt little foolish when I realized what was going on.

The kick instructor changed up the routine for this quarter, and it involves a lot more bouncing. I've managed to put it off, but with the new routine I *need* to go get some sports bras. Just tightening up my regular ones isn't quite enough, I'm discovering.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )